Expectations.

Having nearly completed my first year at uni I can tell that year 2 is going to be even more difficult and that the expectations are high.

From the beginning of secondary school right up until now, I have gone through education with expectations form my peers and teachers to do well.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a smarty pants and consecutively receive straight A's and firsts but I do like to think I do pretty well and people shouldn't make me feel ashamed for saying that even when I receive a B instead of an A or a 2:2 instead of a first as everyone has something they struggle with and to have still passed that is and achievement for me even if it isn't good and up to your standards and expectations of me.

I am one of those people who starts work straight away as soon as they get it so I have chance to edit it when needs be and check over it 545 times but it also gives me that comfort to know that I have it finished in plenty of time and to not rush at the last minute. I often get laughed at by my friends for doing this because they are very last minute people and that's totally fine, do what suits you best!

But remember, by me potentially getting it done and finishing it before you doesn't necessarily mean I found it much easier and that I am expected to get a better grade. This infuriates me loads when peers say this as it makes you feel 100x worse when you look at your mark and you receive a 2:1. Not because a 2:1 is bad, because it definitely isn't, but because of the pressure that was put on me and the expectations people had of me to receive a high mark and to be honest makes you feel really shitty about yourself as you think to yourself that they are laughing at you as if to say "well I started mine yesterday and I got 1 mark higher" or "what happened you usually receive firsts" I am happy for you, I really am, I want you to be proud of your success, I don't want you not to tell people and not show it of because you should be proud of yourself, but don't then make other people feel bad for not doing as well just because of the expectations you have of them for having received two firsts in previous assignments and maybe have found them easier but still going wrong somewhere to have not gained full marks and that's totally fine.

This was very common in sixth form with bitchy people who would always talk about their success but never be proud of you, and rub it in your face when they got higher. I was never like that I was always for praising others instead of myself as I know what a bit of praise can feel like when you've done a good piece of work, but I'm glad to now say that I've found a good group of friends who are all different for when it comes to work ethic, but we are never for putting people down or acting surprised when they didn't receive that first they definitely should have got because they knew the answer in class but worded it wrong in the test and it just feels so much nicer and welcoming to have friends like that.

I also believe that I put more weight on my shoulders when I put the expectation on myself by not wanting to let people down especially teachers who go the extra mile to help you but you still don't receive top marks which they had faith that you could and are probably disheartened for you but that just makes you feel worse because you weren't just doing it for yourself you were doing it for them too. This is something I worried about when taking my theory and practical car test as I know my driving instructor was so confident in me but I wasn't and when I took my test I was determined to do it for her more than I was to do it for myself.

I know a lot of people who have high expectations put on them from their family members which can be challenging for them and upsetting when, even though they tried their hardest they didn't get full marks and get nervous to tell their parents, I sometimes get like that when I involve people in my work and they commit their time to help me possibly receive a better grade especially when it is something I was struggling with, but my parents have always been those "you tried your best and that's all you can do" type and I'm so thankful that they are but I still have that mindset that I wan't to do well to make my parents proud and even though I know they'll be proud of me no matter what grade I get and that it's only my little brain piling more stress on me to think about and the expectations to achieve.

I'd love to see what your thoughts on this are and see if you also feel the same way I do or if you don't feel the need to please anyone but yourself which is great! Let me know in the comments below.

Thank you for reading,
see you soon
Katie x

7 things I learnt in 2017

Hello everyone and happy new year (5 days late, I know) hope you all had a wonderful new year celebrating it with friends and family!

I decided to take the time for today's post to reflect a little bit on 2017 as it was a rather big year for me! I turned 18, passed my driving test, did my A-levels succeeded and got into my first choice university studying my dream career, but it was also a year of lose and regrets that even though I don't want to be reminded of they will forever remain a big part of my 2017.

I feel like a grew a lot more as a person in 2017 and learnt a lot more valuable lessons (like finally using the washing machine by myself for the first time) and for that I have 2017 to thank. It's had it's up and downs but over all I feel like towards the end of 2017 I have become a lot more of a happier and healthier person and that's only the start to an even better year in 2018.

Here are 7 important life lessons I learnt in 2017:

1. Not everyone you lose is a loss

Obviously going off to uni and being nearly a 3 hour drive away from my friends who I went though school with we are going to gradually lose contact and drift apart, it was a given. Now I'm not one of those people who would stick around if I was the only one to be putting effort into the friendship, nope, it has to be a two way effort or that's it, as brutal as it sounds. And that was happening with a few friends who I went through school with and even though it does make me sad to thing that we could have this whole life ahead of us doing amazing things knowing we had grown up together but things happen people move on and that can't be helped, you've always got to put yourself first so feeling guilty because you've moved away to uni and have drifted from childhood friends isn't a bad thing especially if they aren't putting in as much as effort as you to stay in touch.

2. It's OK to say NO

It's OK to say NO in regards to saying no to going out drinking or doing certain things with your friends who ask if you want to join maybe because you just feel like staying in and getting that extra bit of revision or staying in to save money for summer activities! I've often felt bad for saying no as I'm letting people down who want to go out and enjoy themselves but they can't because I'm not going or something along those lines but always think about yourself first and that if you want to say no to not going out then so be it, you shouldn't be made to felt guilty.

3. There is always better days

Since moving to University in September and as stated before being a 3 hour drive away from family and loved ones it has been extremely difficult being in a long distance relationship, now I know it's only been a couple of months and we are still in the same country and people have it a lot worse but it doesn't discount the fact that it is still difficult and I've often spent my nights getting myself all worked up and stressed because I can't just drive down to my boyfriends or friends house and give them a cuddle or something but it doesn't always have to end up in tearful nights, I've realised that being in a long distance relationship makes us both grow us a couple and when we see each other after months it is a lot more worth while so there is always better days.

4. It's okay to grieve 

I've had a lot of sad moments in 2017, losing two people who meant so much to do me made months really tough for me, as well as dealing with family issues that I wish would never happen and being the person I am I often try and hold back my tears as I don't like making a scene or people asking me whats wrong? Now I know they are just trying to be nice and comfort me when I'm down but I don't know if this is just me, but it makes me cry even more! But anyway, I've realised through all the shit 2017 has thrown at me that I'm allowed to grieve and cry, death isn't easy to come to terms with so letting it all out is all you can do.

5. There is no point holding grudges

In regard to the shitty things 2017 has thrown at me I've decided that I'm not longer going to hold grudges against people! I've always been a person to hold grudges against someone for doing me wrong but I've realised that you never know whats round the corner as unkind and nasty as it sounds you never know when it's going to be someones last day so why end on bad terms? I understand that some things can't be fixed in terms of fallouts, but I'm going to go into 2018 giving everyone a second chance, I am a firm believer that everyone can change but only if they want to so for that deserve a second chance.

6. You never know unless you try

I was so excited for 2017 knowing that I would turn 18 and have a lot more opportunities but It was only when it came to it when I had those opportunities I would always try and talk myself out of it! For example learning to drive I thought I never be able to do this and every time I thought of trying my anxiety levels would go through the roof and I'd often get upset and get myself really down because I had so little confidence in myself and the things I could achieve if I just tried! This can also be said with venturing off to Uni, I thought I'd never be able to make any friends and I'd just hate every aspect of uni but I thought up the courage for them both and I moved to Uni meeting a bunch of new people who I can now call my best friends and know they will be for a long time as well as passing my driving test only taking me 6 months, so never think you can't because you can!

7. You can only ever give 100%

I was recently at an awards ceremony for my sixth form college and the guest speaker was discussing how you can only ever give 100% you can never give 110% and as long as you know you have given 100% then you know you have done your best. He also talked in relation to criticism and that it is always a good thing and you should always take it as a good thing! I thought these were very wise words and inspirational to someone like me who often sees criticism as a bad thing and like I've done badly but it's actually just guidance to how you can improve and should always take it into account.

Well there are 7 important things I learnt in 2017 that I intend to take into 2018 and continue to learn and grow as a person!

I can't wait to see what 2018 has in store for me, fingers crossed it's a good year for us all

Thank you for reading, see you soon.

Katie x

What I got for Christmas 2017

Welcome back everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and if you don't celebrate Christmas then I hope you still had a wonderful day!

I'm here today with a 'What I got for Christmas 2017 blog post' as these are very popular at this time of the year and I know a lot of people like to read them, me being one of them! I love being a little nosy and seeing what beautiful gifts people received on Christmas day and just seeing how happy everyone looks with the gifts they got that is why I thought I would share with you by own.

As on most posts and videos like these a little disclaimer is necessary to say in no way shape or form am I boasting or attention seeking I am just showing you guys the lovely gifts I received this year and am always very thankful for what I receive!

The first present I opened was this TOPSHOP beige duster jacket with a detachable fur collar that I had been eyeing up for a while now but couldn't justify spending that much on it so decided to ask for it for Christmas instead, hoping I would receive it on the big day! And thanks to my lovely parents I was lucky enough to receive it! I've always wanted a bit of a more sophisticated and fancier jacket to wear on special occasions and this is perfect for that!

The second present I opened was this gorgeous Morphe 35R palette which has also been on my wishlist for quite some time now but thought I'd save it for my Christmas list instead of splurging on it for myself! It's a beautiful palette consisting of some lovely brown, gold and bronzy mattes with a few shimmers in there too! Seriously can't wait to paint my eyes with this!

Within the box with the Morphe palette I received the Nars radiant concealer in the shade vanilla! I've heard many good reviews about the Nars concealers and have always wanted to try one out for myself! My sister knew this and decided to treat me to one! With this in mind she asked me what shade would fit me best and after trying some out in Selfridges and consulting with the very helpful assistant there she told me that the shade vanilla would be nice if I was wanting to brighten up underneath my eyes and that's exactly what I wanted. So was very happy to wake up to that on Christmas morning!

Also within that box I received the Jefree Star liquid lipstick in Celebrity Skin! I recently used my friends lipstick who had this and was obsessed, its such a gorgeous pinky nude matte that stays on all day and dries instantly! I love it!

The next item was a little bit of a surprise for me as I was undecided between two colours of the Reebok trainers and was unsure which ones my parents would choose for me but when I woke up on Christmas and found out they bought me the khaki ones I was very pleased as I was thinking the night before Christmas that the baby pinks ones I was undecided about were definitely not my style, so they made a good choice!

My main present from my family was these gorgeous Bianca Chelsea Dr Martens which I absolutely love with all my heart! I've always wanted a good pair of Chelsea boots but could never bring myself to spend so much money and I am so very grateful that I received these and they will literally never be coming off my feet!

From one of my best friends I received the Iconic illuminator highlighter in the shade original which is a gorgeous golden brown colour and is very different to all of my other highlighters as I usually use powder ones but it is super easy to apply which is a problem I thought I would face and the glow is absolutely unbelievable.

On top of this she also gave me the most beautiful Pandora ring which I was not expecting at all! My best friend knows how much I love cute dainty rings and spoilt me by getting me this one which I'm in love with.

From my boyfriend who also spoilt me! Got me this gorgeous Tiffany bracelet to match the Tiffany necklace I got for my 18th! I don't own many bracelets but have always wanted to have one that I could just wear all the time and this is definitely one of them! And as if it couldn't get any better than the he even engraved our initials on the back making it an extra special gift! I love it.

At last but by no means least with the money I received off family members and friends me and my friend decided to splurge and my Jason Derulo concert tickets for next year! So thank you very much to all you who have kindly gave me money and helped me go and see him live who I have wanted to see for ages! I can't wait!

Yet again thank you to everyone who gave me a gift I am very grateful! And I obviously haven't included all my gifts in here just my main presents but I still very appreciative of them all!

Thank you for reading, see you soon!
Katie  x